My friend Debbie opened the champagne; a bottle left over from her birthday. We were going to eat out, but I had all the makings of dinner. Around her dining room table, and over my simple grilled steak and sweet tomato salad, we seemed to naturally float into the world of “no time”. Our conversation spawn over many topics, all substantially of depth: divorce, death, kids, love life, and mysteries of the universe that included questions surrounding astrology, soul relationships and Akashic records.
She drew a book from her library. Write about this she proclaimed and read aloud: ” Two common misconceptions are that peace is a calm, placid state with little feeling and that intense feelings are not spiritual.” Debbie continued, “these misconceptions have nearly succeeded in killing us. . . Intense emotions are a natural part of life and the emotional body must vibrate to live. Strong emotions, both good and bad, create the vibration which allows us to connect with Source of energy, love and salvation. Fervent anger can be a powerful motivator for social change. Jealousy is a secret message, exposing unworthiness. Hurt feelings are the unacceptable parts of us, calling for love and illumination.”*
I nodded. I had spent a lot of time reflecting and questioning the ok-ness and appropriateness of just such topics and reactions both in the world of personal transformation and spirituality. The topic seemed even more important as we have moved into the new energy and new paradigm model.
Authenticity for me meant dropping the old that no longer serves and truly heal those parts of us that have been stuffed and stored down deep within our psyche; the illusion that they have been locked safely away in some vast storage unit. Not realizing that they are triggered when the monthly, quarterly or annual statement arrives and we are forced to write a check triggering off a cascade of feelings and emotions that have nothing to do with our current circumstance or event that sends us off crying, mad, hurt or in anger. On the extreme end, I see it as road rage, domestic violence and abuse–on the other end I see it as unhealthy relationships, passionless careers, addictions or self-defeating behaviors reflected in things like our food choices and eating patterns. All somehow related?
My childhood home was oftentimes filled with such confusion. The unspoken undercurrent and unhappiness loomed. We were not allowed to voice our displeasure or disagreement. There was no healthy way to communicate verbally. My Mother would often run to her room and slam the door. The harder the slam, the angrier she was. My Father never said a word or raised his voice. Only years later did I find poetry was his escape; unconsciously drawn to deal with this own pain–finding some relief as he wrote words on a yellow legal pads, paper napkins or crinkled envelopes. These learned dysfunctional behaviors, habits and beliefs I notice perpetuate in our family today among my siblings; sighting the elephant in the room is easy. Can we talk? I see it woven in the tapestry–on the other side, my ex-husband’s Jewish roots brought hot-blooded exchanges. That didn’t work so well either!
So, how do we learn to love ourselves and gain courage to move through the hurts and beliefs to neutrality where we are no longer so affected and able to face the fears directly? I suppose that is the million dollar question. I know that pretending these feelings do not exist does not work. It is not authentic or loving, and leads to our dis-ease and depression–heart attacks and cancer. Just pick up a copy of Louise Hay’s book, “You can heal your life” notice each label.
I know there are no magic bullets or wizard’s wands. It takes real work. Accept what isn’t working. Make a commitment to yourself. Ask for help. The answer lies within. Are we willing and open for the answer? Find a safe place or trusted friend. Remember, we always have choice. We always have the power and freedom to write a new story. The very appropriate metaphor of placing our mask over our nose first, before we can help others is important. By living our truth our way, we begin depositing rather than withdrawing from our emotional bank account. Once we examine our beliefs and take responsibility for our actions, and thoughts does it become possible to live in joy, peace, happiness and love. It is ours for the asking and willingness to walk through another doorway. Then old triggers become less and less like hurricanes; rather like breezes through your open window. Our new higher vibration will guide us closer to our true nature. What will we chose today? Each moment is a new opportunity!
“Not until the pain of the same is greater than the pain of change will you embrace change.”
Be well–in love and light,
Sources for transformation:
Wellness and Nutrition: http://www.cathysilverhealth.com
Grief Recovery: ()
Personal transformation: http://www.gratitudetraining.com
*Angel Blessing, by Kimberly Marooney